Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
