It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
