Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
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Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
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I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize