Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
