wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
