dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
