.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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