Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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