woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
