Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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