HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Your face is a jimmy john
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
