Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
