is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
