"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
