Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
