"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
