my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
