He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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