I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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