my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
