Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I wear drunk well.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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