who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize