Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
