how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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