I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
