Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
