Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
