i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
