Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
