So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
