'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
