I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
