You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
