I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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