ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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