So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
