I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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