I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The convent might be a nice break from real life
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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