Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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