I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
