The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
