there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
