we made out on top of his cat.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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