Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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