Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
