dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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