im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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