i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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