They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
