There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
