I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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