watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
