I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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