i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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