Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
