final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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