we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
