after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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