Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
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