saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
well you can't waste a boner
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize