we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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