Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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