You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
